mIrakoolus
by LightTheJeenius
Summary: Marinette follows Cat Noir home and finds out something interessting about him. (WARNING: DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!)
1. Felix

**A/N: What it could have been...**

 **So by this point I'm pretty sure anyone who has taken the time to look into what the everloving fuck Miraculous Ladybug is knows that originally the guy that was supposed to be Cat Noir was actually some scrub named Félix, not Adrien. For whatever reason, that I'm not really going to take the time to find, the creator - whoever he is- decided to change it to Adrien.**

 **This was all I could think of when I saw the name Félix...**

* * *

Marinette was taking her dear sweet time to stop following Félix like a complete creepy stalker. She couldn't really help it, I men Félix was a complete boat of dreams if you know what I mean.

No you don't?

Well shite.

Anyways, Marinette eventually followed him into a strange room full of...recording equipment? Yeah recording equipment. There were microphones, computers, and fancy shiny technology EVERYWHERE! There were also a lot of pictures of pugs and...phallic objects...around but that didn't really matter too much to Marinette. What mattered was staring at Félix's butt...I MEAN FIGURING OUT WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Also finding out why all this shite was in this room. Was fancy, Kyoya Ootori-like rich boy some secret p0rnstar or something?

Highly unlikely since Félix was...what...15? That was HIGHLY illegal.

Then again breaking in and entering his house was also a crime bu who really needed to know that.

Hehehe...

She was going to jail if anyone found out wasn't she?

Nah she'd just turn into Ladybug or some shit before anything happened.

Yeah that was a good idea. No one would suspect a thing if she did that. She could say Cat Noir told her to watch this miraculously handsome man and everthing would be alright.

 _Except for the fact Félix was Cat Noir._

So Marinette waited for Félix to come out of the bathroom, to continue her quest to ultimate stalkerdom!

...

Seriously how long does it take for this boy to piss? Honestly he should have been done a while agoooo...

Oh. I see.

Félix eventually did come out of the bathroom, looking oddly satisfied with himself. Marinette didn't really know why he looked so happy...and she still didn't know why he had dicks all over his room. Oh and the recording equipment. Don't forget that.

Félix sat down in the leather chair in front of the desk full of the equipment. He messed up his hair and carefully placed a pair of headphones on. He eventually played around with some things on the computer, then clapped for some reason.

Marinette wondered what he was doing. This was definitely not something she thought Félix would do.

In her thoughts she almost missed Félix click on the small red record button and began speaking.

"How's it going bros. My name is Peewdiepie!" Félix said, doing some weird 'sparkle hands' motions.

It only then occured to Marinette that she'd never really heard him talk...ever. Hearing his voice brought two things to her attention. One, his voice was very, very manly, and two he sounded Swedish.

Oh and he sounded like Cat Noir a bit...but not too much.

She continued to listen to whatever Félix was recording, very faintly getting something about flowers, Valentines, and some guys name Cry and Ken. She couldn't really hear what was going on between pauses but whatever was happening was making Félix die of laughter. Marinette wished she could make Félix die of laughter.

Soon enough she heard him ask the one named Cry if he would be his Valentine, followed by a pause.

"WHAT?!" both she and Félix yelled at the same time.

Félix turned around and saw Marinette crouched by his door with an absolutely terrified look on her face. He stared at her for a couple of moments, before turning back to his computer.

"Hey Cry can we try recording this again later. I have some things to take care of first." Félix said.

He didn't bother waiting for an answer and pulled the headphones off his head. Walking over to Marinette with an unamused look on his face, gave Marinette the time to up.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you not to follow me home More importantly why the fuck did you break into my house?" he asked.

"I...uh...I'm sorry." Marinette stuttered.

"Well now you know the secret. I'm actually a 20 year old Swedish man..." Pewds said. "Get out of here, barrel."

And that's how no one ever saw Marinette Dupain-Cheng ever again.


	2. New Ladybug

**A/N: The hero hath returned. This time Ladybug doesn't chop off their own head.**

 **Wait...is Ladybug a BOY?!**

 **If you haven't realized this by now, these stories are not supposed to make sense. They are crack. It's not as cracky as some of the Donald Trump/Sonic the Hedgehog bullshit that you can find on AO3, but it's nonsensical all the same. Please stop taking these stories seriously because I'll probably end up laughing and feeling like a bigger prick than I already am.**

* * *

After Marinette disappeared, along with Ladybug, Paris was in dire need of a new superhero with totally awesome bug powers who wasn't Spiderman. Fuck that guy.

Haha. That was a funny joke. Everyone knows spiderman is better than Ladybug.

Wait this is a Miraculous Ladybug fanfiction god DAMN!

*shot*

So after the previous incompetent dunce of a narrator was mercilessly shot to death hte story could continue. Ladybug disappeared along with Marinette leaving Paris in need of a new superhero. Felix felt no real remorse, wince the teenager was always following him and bothering him. For god's sake he had a girlfriend! Marzia was the only girl with an M name that he would ever love.

Only person was a bit of a stretch. After all, what would he do without the 'totally platonic' love of Cry and Kenpai the senpai?

Hawk Moth did not take this as an oppertunity to steal Felix's miraculous though. For some reason Hawk Moth was waiting. Maybe so he could actually get the Ladybug Miraculous but who really knows or cares for that matter.

It was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming. On days like these, people like Hawk Moth...WERE MAKING ORE AKUMAIZED VICTIMS! AHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like my previous statement was just an elaborate ruse to trick you! Better watch your back, or the crazed butt stabber might get you too!

Felix was stunned. Why was there an akuma. Wasn't Hawk Moth not being a raving douche for a moment?

Geez was this guy Mark or something? (Ha ha another joke. I love Mark.)

Felix looked over at his lazy ass, kwami who people often characterize to have a fucking cheese fetish, rolling his eyes when he saw Plagg was sleeping.

"Wake up we need to save this country that I have never lived in before but am living in for fanfiction purposes!" Felix yelled.

"No thanks. I'm napping." Plagg sleepily replied, though was somehow still just as sassy as Mark.

"I'll shave my beard if you get up and help me." Felix said, thinking of the second way he could entice the small kwami.

"hOPy fUCkiing shittzz letz gu!" Plagg said, suddenly very awake and alert.

 _Haha. Gullible cat thing. I'm never shaving my majestic beard._

* * *

"I AM LORD VON SWAG BUTT! AND I WANT TO TAKE CAT NOIR'S MIRACULOUS AND ENSLAVE PARIS FOR NO REAL JUSTIFIABLE REASON OTHER THAN I WANT TO!" yelled the new akumaized victim, or Lord Von Swag Butt as they called themselves.

Nearby the Eiffel tower, a brown/black haired Asian girl wearing hipster glasses facepalmed and sighed. Why did she ever let her friend text that guy? Lord Von Swag Butt was easily the stupidest, yet best, name her friend could ever come up with.

This akuma actually had no real powers. It was made for exposition...and fun. It was mostly to make fun of the idiot guy that thought Lord Von Swag Butt was a person that somehow got his number and not that the asshole sitting next to him had texted her best friend and told this friend to purposefully text him the weirdest shit. Good times remembering the days I thought I was straight aka socially experimenting to see if i was ace or not.

Anyways, the shitty powers that Lord Von Swag Butt inherited was the ability to make the best fanfictions ever written. Fanfictions that were so good they would be put on the bad fanfiction panel just for dramatic irony. Oh yes. This was it! This would be the villain to take down Cat Noir...and Ladybug if she ever showed her face again.

"WHILE I WAIT FOR CAT NOIR I SHALL RECITE SOME FANFICTION!" Lord Von Swag Butt yelled.

 _"Shoot him," Kyoya suddenly deadpanned._

 _"Wait no!" Tamaki said, pushing Kyoya out of the way to get a better look. "Such a beautiful specimen needs to be preserved. Give me five minutes and I'll work my magic."_

 _Tamaki pulled out a condom. "If this doesn't work then you can shoot him."_

 _Tamaki ran over to Haruhi, who'd just fallen off her tricycle again, leaving a trail of dust and roses behind him._

 _My God, the roses are back._ *****

Cat Pewds had enough of the bullshit this akuma was throwing on Paris. This akuma was probably the most evil of them all. No one should be subjected to the horrors that was this terrible fanfiction. Who the hell thought this was a good idea?!

"HEY I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THAT PART!" the Asian girl from before yelled. Yes, readers, it was I. Jeenius! I was the true author behind that masterpiece you just read in italics. You will see the context of it at the end of the chapter.

Cat Pewds ignored the strange Asian and jumped down the 60 foot drop that was the Eiffel tower (not accurate), attempting to KO Lord Von Swag Butt. Lord Von Swag Butt moved out of the way slightly, continuing to read the story she made out loud. It somehow eventually morphed into extremely explicit PewdieKenCry which made Cat Pewds cringe slightly. He didn't cringe too much because he brought this one on himself. He also know of the truth behind this OT3.

"How can I do this without Ladybrat?" Cat Pewds asked himself. He didn't really care anymore and just wanted to go back home and record a bunch of videos.

Out of nowhere, a flash of red, black and most importantly green wizzed by and smacked into a building. (Read as: on the roof of)

"TOP OF THE MORNIN TO YA LADDIES!" the person said, revealing themselves to be Ladybug AND very very Irish.

Wait.

No. It couldn't be...

"JACKABOY!" Cat Pewds yelled, throwing his hands into the air.

"PEWDS!" LADDIEbug yelled in return.

The two YouTubers fell (literally for Jack) into a tender embrace of platonic friendship and began talking in their weird YouTuber language.

Lord Von Swag Butt stopped reading her stories for a moment and looked up to see the two superheroes doing whatever the hell they were doing now. The akuma popped out of her phone and flew away for cover, horrified by what it's poor innocent eyes had seen and heard. Sadly, the little bug flew into a weird bird boy/cat girl's mouth and DIED!

So once again the day is saved by...

DAVEPETASPRITE!

 **A/N:**

 ***excerpt was taken from a fanfiction I am writing with my friend Called Ouran High School Mafia. You can read it on AO3 if you want but I warn you. It's bad. It's crack...**

 **ANYWAYS, in the sequel to my award winning story (Most Tears of Agony Shed by a Fandom) Felix - or PewdiePie- meets his new partner. May if I feel Like making it a trilogy then we'll see another familiar face.**


	3. The Final Hour

**AN: I finally decided to make part three binches.**

In a dark butterfly cave, stood a short man.

"Who the hell you calling short?" the man asked, fuming with rage.

Shut the fuck up. Let me tell the story.

Anyways. The man wore a purple spandex suit. Butterfly patterns adorned it. Though I doubt you really care about the details of the suit. You already know who this man is. It's impossible for you not to.

"I AM COCKMOTH!" yelled the man, throwing his short stubby arms into the air. His butterflies swirled around him in confusion. They swore he was named Hawkmoth before.

"I AM COCKMOTH!" he yelled once again, reassuring his butterflies his name was, in fact, Cockmoth.

"Now to steal Laddiebug and Cat Pewds' mIrakoolus." Cockmoth attempted to dramatically wave his cape around and walk away looking like a badass...but he tripped on his cape and fell down a flight of stairs. Cockmoth screamed like a little girl as he fell. His screams could be heard by a large blue/purple tic tac man planning to take over the world with his doomfist gauntlet.

Meanwhile, Laddiebug and Cat Pewds finally got over their profession of love. It was just in time too, dark clouds started to fill the sky. Lightning crashed in the distance, zapping random dabbing teenager. Cockmoth slowly descended from the sky laughing evilly. Laddiebug took a good look into Cockmoth's eyes and dripped his status-quo-yo.

"Mark? Is that you?" Laddiebug asked.

"I AM COCKMOTH!" Cockmoth yelled once again.

"Yeah that's definitely Mark." Laddiebug said.

"Give me your mIrakoolus!" Cockmoth yelled, throwing his hands in the air once more.

"Why?" Cat Pewds asked.

"I dunno it's what this script told me to demand. Honestly if it was my choice I'd be saying something much better than that." Cockmoth replied, letting his guard down.

"Yeah that sounded like something that was planned in less than five minutes." Laddiebug agreed.

"Yeah...anyways I'm going to go home and play with Chica." Cockmoth said, turning around and beginning to fly back home.

"Don't you want our miraculous or whatever?" Laddiebug asked.

"oh...right." Cockmoth replied. He turned around, preparing some really cool attack or whatever.

A shuriken flew out of nowhere impaling Cockmoth in the back on the head. A ninja could be seen in the distance flipping everyone off. Some man in blue spandex was seen a few feet away from the ninja, looking so done with the situation.

"Welp I guess it's time, Laddiebug, for us to fulfill the prophecy. We must now fall in love and have 5 billion children." Cat Pewds said.

Laddiebug noped the fuck out of there.


End file.
